i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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