I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
