So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
