sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
