i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
