theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
