your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
