Apparently you make a good broom.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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