yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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