That's intense
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
