Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
