guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
