I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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