ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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