I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
