He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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