Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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