Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
