a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
