Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize