Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
