that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
