I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
