What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
