if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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