You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
