haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
