I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
