i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
