I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
