If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
