How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
