the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
