i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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