My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
