So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
