Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
