I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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