she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
