HIV tests are more positive than that guy
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
