Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
