That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
