I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
