I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize