let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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