She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
