I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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