so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
