i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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