White coat. Heels.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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