I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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