It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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