I hate your face
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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