Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
