Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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