he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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