i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
