Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
