i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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