wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
