i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You ate ashes out of my bong
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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