it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
oh god the rape fog is back!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
