that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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