i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
