hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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