would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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