i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
