And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
