Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
