I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
