I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize