Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
