finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
