You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
