Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I want a musical about memes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
