K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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