Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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