You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
