My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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