Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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