Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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