you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
