you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
