I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
